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Scripture: Psalm 16:11
You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.

Observations:

Application:
Last Sunday, Pastor Chris talked about "destination disease," not being able to celebrate one accomplishment for look towards the next one.  Yesterday in small group, we started looking at Ecclesiastes and how everything we do with earthly motives is meaningless.  Then in church yesterday, Pastor Micah talked about how Leah and Rachel were both constantly looking for fulfillment in what the other one had.  I think I see a theme developing, don't you?  And I feel like in all of that the Lord is speaking right to me.

I STRUGGLE with this.  A lot of times I feel like I'm living a life FULL of joyful moments but somehow that doesn't add up to a joyous life.  The past couple of weeks have been amazing.  I've gotten to spend so much time with my family and do things that I love and rest… so many moments marked by joy.  But then, there is the list of "if-thens" that factor in to the equation that keep it from adding up to a life defined by joy.  I simultaneously want summer to never end because I'm having so much fun and enjoying my family and rest and then can't wait for it to end because then my degree and my book will both be finished and I'll have my class and be a teacher again.  Ugh!  I'm such a mess.  I just want to feel contentment.  I just want to feel joy that's not contingent upon anything else being checked off my list.

And compounding that, I feel shame for feeling that way.  I know that my joy should be found in the Lord and am not sure how to relinquish this over to him.  I don't really know what that looks like.  But I really want to.  I want to trust the Lord with my whole path of life-- even if he only gives me the next turn to take.  I want his joy to define me.  I want to rest in his presence.  I want to responsibly manage my to-do list without anxiety about what's left on it to suck the life out of me.  I want to learn to be content even when there are things left undone… because there always will be.  I want the sum of my joyful moments to equal a joyous life.

Prayer:
Dear God, I need all kinds of help with this.  I don't even really know what that help will look like.  But Lord, please show me what I need to hear from you.  In Jesus' name!  Amen!